Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
