Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
