I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
