he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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