Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
