my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
