Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
