at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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