Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
