i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
