made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize