the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
