do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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