shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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