wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
