i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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