Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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