dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
