I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize