96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
