i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
