dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
