go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
