walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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