Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we're so committed to being not committed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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