you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
