Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
