Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
