he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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