the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
