i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize