fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
