My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
