She's JV to your varsity
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
