I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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