I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
