i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
