Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
