there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't deserve a penis
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
