Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
