Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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