He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
