I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
