dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Holy sore nipples Batman
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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