i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
