Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
