Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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