she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
