you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
