She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
