its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
