Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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