Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
