Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
