Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
