I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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