When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
