Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
