i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
