just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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