I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
