Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
