I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
