When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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