the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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