Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
